A Very Muppet Movie Review

When I first found out they were making a new Muppets movie, I was skeptical. I grew up on The Muppets. It's kinda like re-making The Karate Kid. You just don't do it.

Oh, wait.

So, when my mom suggested we go see The Muppets as a family tonight, I wasn't onboard 100-percent. 

After the jump, I'll give you my totally honest opinion of how I liked Jason Segel's take on The Muppets:

Wisdom Nuggets - Volume I

By this point, you've probably eaten so much turkey that you're sweating tryptophan. 

Soon, you can kick back on the couch, watch football and slip into a sweet, side-dish induced coma. Before you do, in the spirit of poultry, I've decided to share some of the oh-so-deep "wisdom nuggets" that my mind has pondered this week.

Here we go.

You've heard the phrase: "No homo." It's basically a way of saying: "Hey dude. That thing that I just said, mere moments ago -- I know it sounded gay, but I swear...it wasn't." Someone had to have said it before anyone else did. A pioneer of phrases, so to speak. What I wonder is: What did this wordsmith say that made him feel compelled to follow it up with "No homo?" 

I have some ideas.

Drumroll please...

1) "Is it cool if we hold hands under the harness on this roller coaster? The drops really scare me." 

2) "You really are the best hugger." 

3) "I didn't call you for any reason in particular. I just missed you." 

4) "Why do girls get all the good colors? I'm taking pink back...starting with this v-neck." 

5) "I really enjoy watching 'Glee.'"

Hope you're having a Happy Thanksgiving. 

No homo.

.

Black Friday: Let the stampede begin!

Have you ever been Black Friday shopping?

I have. I did it twice. I'll never do it again. 

The last time I went was about six years ago. There was a $200 computer at Best Buy. Some of you are already wincing. Yeah. You feel me.

First off, I was a total "Black Friday Noob." I had no idea. I showed up at Best Buy all by myself (strike one), at about 11:00 p.m. (strike two) and brought absolutely nothing with me.

There are websites solely devoted to how to handle and to prepare for Black Friday. I had visited none of these.

By the time I got there, the line was wrapped around the building. I stupidly got in line anyway, in the vain hope that "maybe these people were all here for something else and they don't know about the computer."

Yeah right.

Are you kidding me? These people were sharks. Veterans of the game. They came in groups; ready to take shifts. They had chairs and blankets. Snacks and music.

Me? I had my cellphone that didn't even have a full battery charge. That's right. I'm awesome.

Cut to the chase: I didn't get the computer. I froze my butt off outside a Best Buy for four hours and came away with zilch.

Then and there, I made a pact with myself that it would be the last of any such occasion for me. It's just nuts. You see reports of people being trampled by mobs of overzealous shoppers.

For what? A $20 digital camera? A $15 tennis bracelet?

But who am I to judge? If that's your thing, rock on. I just don't have it in me.

So how many of you will be gracing the sidewalk of your favorite department stores tomorrow evening? Have you ever done anything crazy to get a cheap big ticket item? 


Discuss.

Words With Friends: I may need an intervention

I don't have a lot of free time. I work full-time as a teacher. I write part-time for a mixed martial arts (MMA) website. I'm a full-time husband and fairly new homeowner. 

I recently discovered a game called "Words With Friends." It is essentially "Scrabble" on crack.

(Disclaimer: I am not endorsing crack. It's bad for you. Don't do it. This was merely an analogy. If ever in the future you are not certain if I'm making a comparison to get your attention or actually promoting harmful substances, it's probably the former of the two.)

Anyway.

The game is addictive. You're basically playing "Scrabble" against as many people as you want. When one of your opponents plays a word, you get an alert on your phone (assuming that is the device you're using to play). 

I play all the time. I play when I should be doing important things. It may have even become an idol to me. 

It's interesting how a game can show you things about your friends and family that you didn't previously know. For instance, did you know you can cheat on "Words With Friends?" Oh yeah. You sure can. If you have an iPhone, you can download a program called CheatMaster5000. In short, it solves the whole puzzle for you. You have to do little to none of the work and look like a genius in the process.

If you use it, you're a bad person. I suspect some of you and may have reported you to appropriate authorities.

Do you play "Words With Friends?" Do you have a friend who you suspect might be cheating? Call them out. Right here. I dare you.

Post-marriage Holiday Celebration: Attempting to successfully merge your traditions with those of your spouse

That's not a picture of my family. I don't even know those people. Creepy? Maybe. But if you put a picture of your family on the internet, it's going to get copied and pasted at some point. It's for a good cause.

When I was younger and single, holidays were easy. Particularly when I still lived at home. It was simple. The "to-do" list looked something like this:

• Sleep in (this is key and probably the most important part of the process)
• Throw on some sweats
• Walk into the living room and lay down on the couch
• Eat lots of turkey
• Get fatter
• Go to sleep
  
  

When I got married, everything became more complicated. Now I have a second family. That family has another family. I'm related to so many more people than I used to be. I'm somehow expected to see them all. It's crazy.

This year, we're going with my wife's immediate family over to an extended family get-together during the early afternoon, then heading over to my immediate family's house for the rest of the evening.

The tragedy in all of this? I will probably not get to watch any football on my 46-inch LCD TV, equipped with DirecTV, crystal-clear picture and theatre surround sound.

What's the world coming to?

How do you celebrate Thanksgiving? If you're married, how have your traditions changed since you took "the plunge?" Do you have any strange Thanksgiving traditions? I'd love to read all about it!

This is a tale of Captain Jack Sparrow

I love Saturday Night Live (SNL) digital shorts. I love Andy Samberg. His side project, The Lonely Island, are rib-shattering funny, but you have to listen with caution as the unedited versions of a lot of their music are a bit dirty. This is the clean version of a song they did with Michael Bolton called "Jack Sparrow." It's fairly hilarious.

The Blog is getting a Facelift

If you've checked out the blog tonight, you've noticed it's undergoing a bit of a facelift. Apologies for the inconvenience. I promise it will be better than before. Keep checking back for updates!