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| THE Joseph Craven watching pensively as a beautiful butterfly flutters its soft wings off in the distance. |
Joseph runs a blog which he humbly refers to as "The Greatest Blog of All Time," which you can find at www.thegboat.net. You can also follow him on Twitter HERE.
The goal is to interview a blogger from every state in the U.S., as well as province in the "Great White North."
Go ahead and check Mississippi off the list:
Kevin Haggerty: Joseph, I've interviewed a lot of bloggers, but no one who has purported to run the greatest blog of all time. This ostensibly makes your time more important than that of anyone I've ever interviewed. I'm grateful that you were willing to donate a percentage of said time.
Joseph Craven: Wait, donate? Ah crap. I misunderstood. Oh well.
Thanks for having me, Kevin. I can honestly say I’ve never been more excited about answering questions about my blog.
KH: Let's start off with the basics. For those unfortunate souls that have never visited your website, briefly summarize thegboat.net and what it's all about.
JC: Unfortunate is the right word! I pray for them.
Let’s not pull any punches here: we live in a PRETTY stupid world. It’s a world that is obsessed with sling-shotting birds into a house a bunch of pigs built. And The GBOAT is really all about embracing that fact. It’s all about embracing the absurdity of life. Every now and then, I’ll throw in a personal story or a useless observation, but the bulk of what I write are essays that celebrate the strangeness of our world.
I post three times a week (most of the time), but the featured essays are put up on Wednesdays.
KH: How long have you been blogging and what was it that made you want to get started in the first place?
JC: For about 10 months. I do this for the GLORY.
Actually, I started blogging simply because I needed a creative outlet. I have a nice little desk job, but needed a space where I could try to create stuff like I had always done when I was in school, when there was always a short film to make or a stupid rap song to record.
Writing entertains me, and if people want to read it, well that’s their loss just wonderful!
KH: A lot of what you do is self-deprecating. Is this a defense mechanism? Are you that self-effacing in real life? [/psychoanalyzation]
JC: It’s all a show. I’m totally full of myself. You ARE aware of what I named the blog, right?
KH: The greatest sensation that's sweeping the (blogging) nation is the Killer Tribes Conference, this upcoming weekend. Rumor has it that you will be in attendance. What about the conference are you most looking forward to?
JC: WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT RUMOR?
I think what I’m most looking forward to is annoying all the other attendees to the point of being blacklisted in the blogging community. Yippee!
KH: Who are your favorite bloggers to read?
JC: I’m legally obligated to say that I like Knox McCoy. He was pretty instrumental in getting me connected with this cool little blogging community that I fully plan on getting exiled from.
There’s many blogs I read, like Ricky Anderson, Randomly Chad, Jamie’s Rabbits, Meet the Buttrams, Rob Shep, Tyler Tarver, TMZ, and you and Stephen, along with many others. My mainly problem is that there are so many I enjoy (and I’m also ADHD) that it’s hard for me to read them regularly, which is also why I don’t comment as much as I’d like. I tend to go on binge reading sessions.
Oh, and also Mandie Marie, since I’m dating her or whatever.
KH: What looks less manly, eating a popsicle or drinking out of a straw?
JC: Straw. Definitely. The thing to remember is that popsicles are delicious, so I think dudes will excuse a popsicle eater because of that fact. Sure, it’s not going to give you manly points, but who can say no to that wonderful frozen treat? Meanwhile, there are other ways to drink from a cup that don’t make you look like a fool.
KH: You're one of an ever-growing community of bloggers who writes from a Christian perspective, but isn't "beat-people-over-the-head-with-the-Bible" about it. Obviously, there's a market for this approach. What is it about these types of blogs and bloggers that you think resonates with people?
JC: Probably the fact that it’s on the internet, so readers can’t get physically hit over the head with a Bible.
I think what appeals to people is that this style looks at life through a Christian perspective. It’s the difference between listening to David Crowder and listening to Jon Foreman. Both are Christians. Both make music. Crowder makes music with a very focused worship goal. Foreman makes music that is asking questions about the world through the lenses of faith.
Both styles are wonderful, and both are necessary. They’re just different from each other.
KH: I referenced Killer Tribes earlier. I'm a big fan of Bryan Allain. I've kicked around the idea of becoming a Killer Tribes member. I note that you've already done so. Why did you join? Why should I?
JC: For the chicks.
It’s for the community. I mean, without joining, I don’t think I would have taken the time to check out bloggers like Tor Constintino, Chad Jones, Jared Hollier, etc. And there are very, VERY informative forums in KT. Basically any question I’ve ever had about blogging or promotion has been answered by browsing the forums.
So good people and good advice. That’s what KT offers, and for just a small price. What else could you ask for? A puppy? Well good news! Allain will actually give you a puppy when you register!
KH: Let's get awkward. It seems impossible to mention you without mentioning Amanda Bast (or vice versa). You two getting hitched or what?
JC: PASS
Okay, I guess I’ll answer you, but only because you asked so politely.
It’s no secret that Amanda and I are the most popular couple on the internet not named “Tony and Katie Alicea”. I don’t know what the future holds, Kevin. But the fact that “it seems impossible” to mention me without mentioning Amanda? That makes me smile.
KH: Let's do word association. I'll give you a name, title or phrase and you give me your kneejerk reaction. For instance, if you said: "Twilight," I'd say, "Shoot me in the face with a cannon."
Let's do this.
JC: I apologize in advance.
Dancing with the Stars: Embarrassed that I don’t know anything about the show, then more embarrassed that I’m embarrassed by that fact.
Adele: ‘ELLO GUVNUH!
Flight of the Conchords: Paper dolls and people are the very same shape
Spam E-mail: hOt SiNgLeS iN yOuR aReA!!1!
Lasagna: A time when Garfield was still funny
Zombies: Just want to be loved
Canada: Not a real country
Slalom skiing: Being eaten by the Ski Free Yeti
Granola: Dirty hippie food
Rick Santorum: PROBABLY a robot
Boogers: Delicious! No wait! I meant delicious! DANG IT
KH: In real life, we'd probably get in a fight because we're both sarcastic jerks. Who would win and why (feel free to detail the finishing maneuver)?
JC: Oh, it would be a fight for the ages, with me pulling off an impressive suplex that leaves you on the ground. As I taunt the crowd a little bit (I’m clearly the heel in this situation), you dramatically get up with a second wind and prepare to hit me with a Goldberg-style spear. You use this opportunity to then launch a highly dramatic Macho Man (R.I.P.) flying elbow drop from the top turnbuckle as the crowd goes wild.
Kevin Haggerty – Heavyweight Champion OF THE WORLD.
KH: You're a sports fan, which means we might actually be able to hang out without coming to blows (which would render the previous question null). Who are your favorite teams? Favorite player (in any sport)?
JC: I am a New Orleans Saints fan, as I love injuring people. I also grew up a Mississippi State fan, as I love endless suffering and misery.
But I’m also a sports fan, so I just love watching for the sake of appreciating sports. I believe sports are an important part of our culture, and that there’s always more to sports than just the games.
My favorite player in any sport is likely Dr. J, Julius Erving. He, along with guys like David Thompson, turned basketball into the athletic, high flying game it is today. He was revolutionary.
KH: Do you think the story of Tim Tebow is going to fade away, now that he's gone to the New York Jets and is (at least on paper) a backup QB?
JC: If there are two things I hate about the NFL, it’s people’s intense love of Tim Tebow and people’s intense hatred of Tim Tebow.
I don’t think the story will fade. There’s too much passion on either side of the debate for the poor guy to just enjoy playing the sport and not be scrutinized for everything he says and does. Even as a backup.
KH: What bands are in your ipod (or generic mp3 player) playlist at the moment?
JC: At this point, my top 3 rotation consists of The Avett Brothers, Portugal, The Man, and Big K.R.I.T. Feel free to make whatever judgment you want about my musical taste.
This is also a good moment to let everyone know that my 160gb iPod classic is the only Apple product I own.
KH: What's your favorite movie of all time and why?
JC: Memento. It’s a phenomenal story and the cinematography is just astounding. So much so, I don’t even have a sarcastic comment to go along with this answer.
KH: If you could give one piece of blogging advice to someone who is just getting started in the game, what would it be?
JC: Follow your heart and do what feels right or whatever.
It takes a bit of time to learn how to think like a blogger. To know what makes a good and readable post. You have to write a lot of crap in order to figure it out. Then sometimes you learn that writing crap is actually what people want you to do.
Other than that, just be involved on other blogs by commenting a lot.
KH: If you had time to run a second blog, in addition to thegboat.net, what kind of blog would it be?
JC: The GBOAT is everything I could ever want it to be, so this question is dumb and irrelevant.
I am not sure. I think I could probably enjoy a purely sports blog, since that’s one of the few things in life that I understand. Naturally, it couldn’t be a SERIOUS sports blog. Otherwise….maybe writing some fiction. A continuing story posted in parts. Or maybe that’s a horrible idea.
KH: Like Tyler Tarver, you also live in the "Dirty South." I asked Mr. Tarver about some of the misconceptions about living in Arkansas. Do you have to deal with similar misconceptions about Mississippi? If so, what are they and how do you deal with them?
JC: Have you ever seen The Help? Parts of it were filmed in my neighborhood. Here’s the thing: it’s not a documentary. We don’t ACTUALLY still live in the 1960’s. Nor are we stupid and simple people who don’t understand how the world works.
I am very passionate about my homeland. I could ramble a lot about how it’s actually a great place, despite public opinion. But with the popularity of the film, it’s important to note that the movie was set many years ago. Things have changed.
KH: You drive a Jeep. Do you feel like this makes you better to people who don't?
JC: It doesn’t make me feel that way. It’s just the truth.
KH: What's the worst TV show currently on the air and why?
JC: I would say that at this point, with so many channels and show selections, probably 75-80% of television is awful. Honestly, I have my 5 or 6 shows I keep up with, and I don’t pay attention to the rest.
If you take out “reality” shows (which should probably all be burned), then Glee is likely the worst. Or Big Bang Theory. Oh, the characters are super smart but have no social skills? So original!
KH: If you could fire a missile into any celebrity's house, who would it be?
JC: I realize he’s not necessarily much of a celebrity, but I would fire a missile at Brian Regan.
I was in college when Regan got popular, and apparently my friends saw a lot of similarities between the two of us. It was daily that I would crack a joke and someone would say, “Oh man, that reminds me SO MUCH of Brian Regan!” and that never made me feel good because he was getting paid and I was giving joy and laughter away for free. So Brian Regan ruined my life.
KH: This interview has been a little violent and I apologize for that. To balance out the vitriol, hit me with your favorite Bible verse. Feel free to talk about what it means to you.
JC: I’ve always been drawn to the book of Philippians as a whole. It’s what I always come back to when life stops making sense to me. But, individual verse? Got to be Matthew 6:34 – “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
I love this verse because I tend to think that it’s up to me to make sure I survive, much less actually succeed. But I’m not the one calling the shots. That section of chapter 6 (verses 25-34) is when Jesus is explaining that God takes care of His children. And I need to be reminded of that daily, because my foolish pride will always think it’s calling the shots.
KH: Is there anything you'd like to personally plug or promote?
JC: As I come up on a full year of blogging, I need to give a shoutout to all those who said I’d never make it this far. Take THAT, mom!
I want to expand The GBOAT. I want it to become more than a one man show. The foundation is there to improve on it, and with nearly a full year under my belt, I’m going to keep working on that.
Also, here’s some breaking news JUST for you, my good man: I’ve written the first draft of a 17 page essay on being a traditional Christian in a contemporary world. It’s called Being Boring, and I hope to finish it in a couple of weeks. If anyone is interested in reading that at all.
Otherwise, I just want to know how to be a better friend to all of you.
KH: Thanks for your time Joseph!
JC: No problem, Stephen.
I’m sorry. That wasn’t funny.
The entire interview, I mean.
KH: Touche.
Remember to check out Joseph's website HERE and to follow him on Twitter HERE.
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