"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."
On Thursday, I received the news that my teaching contract would not be renewed for next school year, as a result of budget cuts the school is making, due to poor re-enrollment numbers.
I've worked at this school for six years. I've coached there, as well. I've made countless connections with kids and parents alike.
I've put in many hours. Poured my heart out inside the classroom and on the court. I've been touched by many, and would like to believe I've touched hearts also.
How did I get the news?
The school's administrator casually walked into my classroom, during my planning period, completely unannounced, sat down in a desk, then callously told me that my services would no longer be needed. He was gone almost as soon as he came. There was no meeting. I was offered no opportunity to respond. It was cold. It was heartless.
It was not a surprise, and I'd be lying if I told you I totally hadn't seen it coming.
I could go on for pages about how it was unfair. I could tell you how insane it is that a person who has never been in my classroom once during the four years he's been my boss is deciding my future with the organization. I could tell you how I've had personal run-ins with the administrator, over issues I principally believed in, and that I cannot squash the notion that this was at least a little personal.
I could tell you how the kids cried when I told them I wouldn't be back next year. I could talk about the emails I've already received from parents who are upset about my not being asked back.
But, ultimately, what it comes down to is this:
I'm at peace.
I shouldn't be. My wife and I just bought a house a few months ago. Kim is approximately 20 weeks pregnant with our first child. I have every reason in the world to be angry, worried, scared and depressed.
But I'm not.
In times like these, I turn to Job. He lost everything: His kids, his livestock, his possessions and his pride. His wife lost her faith. She told him to "curse God and die." Here was Job's response:
"He replied, 'You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?' In all this, Job did not sin in what he said."Kim and I are currently taking part in a Bible study with our new church in Gloucester, Bridgepoint Church. The study is based on a series of Andy Stanley messages that focus on the person and the power of God.
One of the things the study has focused on recently is the issue of whether or not God is in control of everything. Is He the driving force behind the universe, or is he some grandfatherly like figure who sits on a cloud and eats grapes, still worn out from creating the world and all that surrounds it?
We either believe he is omniscient and omnipotent or we don't. It's not an easy concept to grasp, but I'm working on it.
The point is this: If God is all-powerful and He determines my steps, this didn't catch Him off-guard. He knew it was time for me to leave, and I think He also knew that I was so attached to the kids that I had to be literally pushed out the door in order for this to happen.
I may have stayed forever. I may have allowed my love for the kids to outweigh the misery that my job was making me feel. I would have allowed my soul to continue to be sucked away from me, one day and one losing battle at a time.
So, yes, the upcoming days are scary. But it's a clean slate; an opportunity to start over. I needed that. In the last year, I've discovered my heart. I'm a writer. It's time to pursue that and let the chips fall where they may.
I'm excited about the future. I'm excited about you guys coming along for the journey. I have a few book projects that I cannot wait to share with you.
God is good.
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