Why I Hid You (or would hide you) in My Facebook News Feed

Photo by Creative Commons user Max-B

Facebook has changed the way we socially interact, on the whole.

If you're not friends with someone on Facebook, you're definitely not friends IRL (in real life). The unfortunate flipside of the coin is, just because you're friends with someone on Facebook, doesn't necessarily mean you are friends IRL.

I used to be really exclusive with who I would add as a Facebook friend, but over time, I softened. I'm now at a point where I pretty much accept every friend request that is fired my way.

I'm probably too nice. I just don't want to hurt feelings.

However, I almost did a severe "friendlist purging" a few months ago. That's because I was tired of being inundated by a news feed that featured friends who updated their status every five minutes, used crude language excessively, posted pictures of their cats, regularly, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseam.

My world was changed, for the better, when I discovered that it was possible to hide specific friends' activity in my news feed, while not having to go to the extreme length of terminating my Facebook friendship with said persons.

With that said, there's a possibility you're friends with me on Facebook, and I have no idea what's going on in your life (or at least on your profile), because I've hidden you in my news feed.

If that's the case, here are some reasons why that may have happened:

Your Statuses Are Boring

There was a point in time where people accused others of mistaking Facebook for Twitter, in that they thought it was necessary to constantly leave statuses about every mundane occurrence in their mundane day.

Now, that's not even what people do on Twitter (at least, it shouldn't be).

Nobody cares that you're "in line at the DMV," unless the next sentence in your status happens to be, "and I saw a YETI!"

It's not important to anyone except you that you "just ate a hamburger," unless you follow that up with, "made from the meat of my next door neighbor!"

If you did that, it's not cool. It's just important.

And I'm definitely calling the police.

You Post Too Often

I like checking Facebook because of the diversity. I enjoy seeing the feed move in and out, seamlessly, between each and every one of my friends' crazy lives and thoughts.

When you post more than a few times a day, you're clogging my feed.

I like you. I do. But if Facebook shows me 5 things you said or did before I get to see something from someone else, I'm going to feel like you're hogging my timeline.

The worst is when people split up what could easily be one status into multiple posts. For instance, a Top 10 List, or observations you have made about people who wear Axe body spray.

Just post one, succinct status, and let's leave it there.  

You Ask Me to 'Like" and Share Motivational Pictures

I get it. When the footsteps ran out, that's when Jesus was carrying you. I teared up. It was totes emosh.

But, I'm pretty sure my salvation is squared away, and it isn't tied up in whether or not I re-post a picture that you shared of Jesus playing roller hockey with children and nuns.

I'm glad you like all that stuff. Buy the posters and put them up all over your house. But when you litter my news feed with them, I'm probably going to hide your activity.

(Sidenote: If you can mentally picture Jesus playing roller hockey with children and nuns, and you don't chuckle, at least a little, you may want to check your pulse. It's possible that you are dead.)

You Post Updates on Facebook Games You Play

I'm stoked about your Farmville crops. I really am. It's a big step up for you in life, and it's a nice proving ground to help you get ready to be a parent one day (said no one ever).

I just don't really need 24/7 updates.

I'm glad you Bejewelled the heck out of somebody. It's sweet that you went "All in" with a Royal Flush on Zynga poker. I'm astonished by your 100 point word on Words With Friends.

But every so often is enough. If you have your games configured to post on your behalf, you may want to change that setting. It's totally possible you've lost more Facebook friends than me, and you didn't even know it.

You Post Pictures of Your Pet(s) Regularly

I don't really care if your cat curled up in your lap, unless, when he got there, he solved a trigonometry problem and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with his bare paws.

You love your cat. You may even love all 15 of them, if that's your thing, and you're "crazy cat lady." 

I'm not hating. To each his own. But don't push that "lifestyle" on me. 

My advice to you is to teach your cat how to do something remarkable. Then, you can compulsively post pictures, and I can actually give half of a crap.

It's a win-win.

What Are Some Reasons Why YOU Hide People in your Facebook News Feed?