A real friend is someone who will tell you when you have a booger hanging out of your nose.
It's true, but sometimes, even our real friends don't have the heart to be honest with us about our serious character flaws.
Maybe you've suspected it. You feel it, deep down. You think you're a pretty decent dude or dudette, but there's just this voice that asks a question from within your consciousness:
"Am I a jerk?"
No worries. I've got ya covered. After the jump, I've got the full guide with in-depth analysis that will help you figure out if you are, indeed, a jerk.
Check it out:
Do you ever drive in the left lane, when there's another lane available, going the exact speed limit or less than the speed limit?
When someone tries to pass you, do you speed up so they can't get around you?
Do you ever change lanes, get in front of someone and then slow down, immediately after getting in front of them?
When your driving or parked in a parking lot, do you play your music loudly enough that other people can't even hear the music in their own car?
If any of these things are true, I'm sorry. I have bad news.
You just might be a jerk.
When you're shopping in a grocery or department store, do you ever leave your cart angled in the middle of the aisle so that no one can get through?
Do you come out of aisles without hesitating, coming dangerously close to hitting other people with your cart, then looking at them incredulously for being offended?
Do you get in the express lane with more than 15 to 20 items (depending on the store)?
When you get to the register, do you split your items up into multiple "orders" so that you can pay for them each separately with different methods of payment.
If these are things that are true of you, I hate to break it to you.
You just might be a jerk.
Do you bring your young children to public places they have no business being? When you get there, do you let them run around, act up loudly and do pretty much whatever they want?
If you place "not hurting your kids' feelings" over teaching them discipline and "not annoying everyone else in the world," I bring sad tidings.
You just might be a jerk.
Do you talk during movies?
You might be a jerk.
Do you make plans with friends on a regular basis, only to cancel on them, last second?
Jerk city. Population: You.
Do you brag about your iPhone and try to make people with Android phones feel inferior?
Caribbean JERK Chicken!
Do you read blog posts that you thoroughly enjoy and then NOT leave a comment?
Jerk, jerk, jerkity, jerk, jerk!
(Just kidding about that last one -- sort of.)
In all seriousness, it's not too late for you. I'm here to help. This all may come as a shock to you, but I assure you: It's all in love! :)
Care to add to the list? Bring it on!
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