Dating Advice for Dummies

When I was in High School, I was terrible with girls. Seriously. You have no idea. They didn't give me the time of day. I didn't know how to talk to them. I didn't know how to act around them. I was an utter and total mess.

When I got to college, I "leveled up." I was a little more at ease with myself and developed a deeper confidence in who I was as a person. But still, I was no expert. I dated some girls over the course of a few years, but no one was confusing me for a "ladies man."

Over the next several years, a light switch flipped on. I figured out some very key things that helped me get to a place where being around females and even being romantic with them was really not a big deal.

The truth is: It's not that complicated. As I notice some of the guys at the high school where I teach and see them making some major mistakes, I can't help but want to reach out and share some knowledge with them.

It certainly isn't limited to just those guys. I look on Facebook and note other young men making equal amounts of silly errors that are totally avoidable.

So, with that in mind, here are a few things I've learned about dating:

Know Thyself!

Girls like guys who are confident. It's really how they are wired. They are drawn to leaders, but isn't everyone? 

Girls are not attracted to guys who don't know what they want and don't have strong opinions on things. They may enjoy leading you around for a while, but they'll get bored with that.

So, ask yourself: "Who am I?" Seriously. Don't do it when people are around, because they'll think you're crazy, but in the confines of your heart and mind, you need to figure this out.

Once you know who you are, what you like, what you need and what you can't live without, then (and ONLY then) will you garner attention from the opposite sex.

Be confident. Not cocky. Just confident.

Don't try so hard!

I recently saw a photo gallery posted on Facebook. The gallery (composed of about ten pictures) cataloged the process of a high school dude asking a girl to the prom. 

Apparently, the kid filled up a room with balloons that had special romantic messages written all over them. He also had her friends waiting there to surprise her. They photographed the whole episode and maybe even videotaped it.

Are you getting this?

He wasn't proposing. He was asking her to prom. I know. Some of you are saying: "Kevin, what's the big deal? That sounds cute!"

Here's the problem: Where does that stop? How far can you raise the ceiling? More importantly, girls ultimately get tired of that kind of stuff.

That doesn't mean they don't want attention sometimes. Of course every lady likes to feel special, and they appreciate romantic notions. But they don't want it all the time. 

Girls, especially young girls, are still very much in the process of finding out who they are and what they want. They think they want to be smothered in affection, until it's too much. Then, out of nowhere, they feel like they can't breathe, they freak out, and they pull the carpet out from underneath the doting boyfriend who never saw it coming.

I'm not demonizing the girls. Really, I'm not. Guys need to wise up and learn to see the signs. You have to back off sometimes. You have to let HER be the one to call or text first every now and then. Leave some room for mystery and intrigue. Don't be a jerk, but let her guess. Girls need that. There's nothing wrong with that.

Don't give away your identity for something that may be short-term!

I see it all the time. I see these guys who totally turn their backs on their guy friends when they have a girlfriend. They are always available when their current love interest wants them. This isn't healthy!

You both need to have your own set of friends. It's totally normal and good for you to hang out with the guys. Leave room to miss each other! If you're a high school or college guy, every now and then, you need to tell your girlfriend you can't hang out or talk on Friday night. I know. That's crazy. Friday night is sacred. But if you stop making time to hang out with the dudes, you will lose an important part of who you are, your friends will resent you, you'll resent your girlfriend, deep down, for taking all your free time, and honestly, she's probably more than willing to let you off the leash anyway! 

It can become a game of "chicken" where neither partner is willing to be the first to say that they need a night off. Be the man. Speak up first. Be nice about it and tell her you just need some guy time. Encourage her to hang out with her girlfriends.

When you come back together, you'll appreciate the relationship all the more.

Be honest about your relationship!

I Googled it (which means what I'm about to say is totally legit). Only two to three percent of all high school relationships end in marriages that last. 

When you're in middle or high school, you are prone to infatuation. You feel sure that he or she is "the one." I'm not trying to be a jerk, but they probably are not. That doesn't mean they for sure are not your future spouse. I've seen it happen, but it's super rare.

Be open to that possibility. If you get "married in your head," way too early, you're setting yourself up for a huge heartbreak. 

Be young. Have fun (but not too much fun). Just relax. 

Anything else you'd care to add?