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| Networking is overrated and only for working stiffs in conference rooms |
Being the blogging prodigy that I am, I've found the value of networking to be vastly underrated. It's really important. No man is an island...even on "The Isle of Man."
With all that said, I decided to flip the whole conversation on its ear. Any "average Joe" can tell you how to efficiently network. I'm not tryin' to go that route. BO-RING!
Instead, I'd like to share some of my experience, as well as (and even moreso) the experience I've viewed other bloggers undertake in their failure to network properly.
So, here it is. The top ten ways NOT to network:
1) Take advantage of other people's platforms and never (and I do mean NEVER) give anything back to it. Any time you comment on a fellow blogger's post, always try and bring it back to something you wrote. Go link-happy. Everyone will appreciate that. Let's be real...every other blogger's site exists solely to necessitate your needs and help you find fame.
2) Be really nasty and overly snarky with other bloggers. Go to other sites as often as possible just to throw haterade on whatever they post. Disrespect them and their idea as much as possible. It's not like you'll ever meet them in person. Go to town!
3) When people "retweet" your stuff or link to you from their site, totally ignore it. Never acknowledge the favor. Of course they like your site and your posts. You're pretty much the greatest thing to ever happen to the internet.
4) Bug other prominent bloggers as often as you can. Seriously. They are practically sitting at their computers all day long, just waiting for your emails and tweets so they can respond to them and help you out. If they don't respond right away, hit them back that same day. If you really want to step it up a notch, ask to guest post on a site that you know you have no business writing for.
5) Talk smack on other bloggers via Twitter and other social networking forums. They didn't rise to prominence before you did because of their talent and work ethic, it's because they got lucky. "Oh, you like that guy? That guy sucks. You should read my blog instead." Good strategy.
6) Only tweet about your own site. Never retweet or encourage your readers (both of them) to read other people's stuff. View all other bloggers as your competition, not your friends who can help you become established. It's not like there are millions of people reading blogs each day. And it isn't like those people don't read more than one blog.
7) When people do actually comment on your blog, either don't respond at all or be sure to get real defensive and start fights with them. Arguing on the internet isn't silly at all. You're a man (or woman) of principle. You won't be trolled. Not today. Not ever.
8) Never host any other bloggers/authors over on your site. Don't even think about having guest-posts. What if other readers think that author is funnier or a better writer than you? They could steal your audience! You might never get them back! That just won't do. The less your readers know about other bloggers, the better.
9) Twitter is a valuable resource, but make sure the communication is all one-sided. When someone DM's or tweets you, they usually expect some kind of response. Don't check that stuff. Ever. Definitely don't set up alerts on your phone or email. You'll get to it when you get to it. It's whatever.
10) We've established that you don't want your readers to view other blogs, but we're gonna ramp it up a notch. You don't need to be reading other blogs either. Just ignore them. If you act like they don't exist, you'll have more time to focus on yourself and your own work. It's not like you can learn anything from those men and women who have 100 times more followers and subscribers than you do.
Care to add any items to the list?
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