So, I'm kind of a clumsy guy. From the outside looking in, you might not even notice. I appear to have it together, but every now and then, I slip up and do something terrible.
Like almost burning my entire house down.
I get in trouble when I try to do too many things at once. This is not unusual for me, which generally leads to situations that people don't even believe when I describe them.
Yesterday, such a scenario occurred.
I decided that I wanted to grill some burgers. I also wanted to set up our new tiki torch on the deck. Both of these activities would be happening within the same ten foot radius. All the while, the sky was black with rain clouds.
Honestly, there were so many good ideas flying around that I could hardly contain myself. I'm sure you're starting to get that same feeling as you read how this story is setting up.
So, I set up my burgers on the grill. I installed the mount for the tiki torch, filled it with fuel, lit the wick, and it was good to go, fully ablaze.
Right at this point, my wife calls. I stepped into the house for moment to talk to her on the phone, and as I do, I look outside to see that the proverbial bottom has dropped out. It was absolutely pouring. I couldn't believe it. I should have. I didn't.
I told Kim I had a situation I urgently needed to deal with and told her goodbye.
As I stood looking out the sliding glass door, I began to mentally walk through some possible steps I could take to remedy this unfortunate dilemma.
I decided that I needed to extinguish the tiki torch first. This shouldn't have been too tough, as the torches come with a wooden attachment that can be used to "snuff out" the flame.
I made my move.
I quickly darted out the door, onto the deck and grabbed hold of the attachment. I, then, placed it over top of the wick. Here's the rub. I had pulled the wick so far out of the torch, that the attachment was not covering the whole flame. What does that mean, you ask?
It means that, not only was the flame not going out, now, the wooden attachment was also going up in flames, thus, further adding to my troubles.
At this point, there wasn't a ton I could do about it. The attachment was going to burn, and I'd have to get to the tiki torch later. As I turned to address my burgers that were on the grill, I became aware of another new pressing matter.
I told you it was raining, but I neglected to mention that it was windy. Why is this a problem? Because there was fire. Why is that a problem?
Well, it wasn't, until a tiny piece of hamburger that had separated from the rest of the patty flew off the grill and landed on top of my vinyl grill cover.
To my horror, I realized that it was going up in flames.
I felt like I was in a Ben Stiller movie.
I manically jumped up and down on the grill cover to put out the fire (all the while, it was still pouring rain). I ran inside, grabbed a glass from the cupboard and used it to cover up the tiki torch flame and extinguish it. I dried off the pan that had been previously soaked by the rain and brought it back out to retrieve my burgers.
All in a day's work.
That's really it. That's the story. The point being, I can be a terrible klutz, and I figured, what's the point of going through a maddening ordeal like that if we can't all laugh about it, right? Isn't that sort of the point of being a blogger?
I wrote a book about Idiots. Maybe I'm more of a subject matter expert than I previously realized.
When was the last time you did something hilariously clumsy?
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