As of Sunday at midnight, this will no longer be the case.
The plan is to take the book, revamp it, polish it up, and re-deliver it to you in a brand new way. The upgraded version will have new stories, as well as entries from other bloggers you may already know and love.
When it's ready for launch, AIGTTG will be re-released as a Kindle book for $2.99.
In the meantime, you should go ahead and download the free version today, while it's still available. Not sold yet?
Here's the first chapter, so you can decide for yourself if it's something you might be interested in.
Spoiler alert: You will be.
If you want to go idiot spotting, the best place is the road. They’re everywhere! It’s like an all-you-can eat buffet of stupid.
There’s really no hiding when you’re steering a two-ton weapon of death. If you’re an idiot, people are going to know.
If you want to be an idiot driver, follow these quick and easy steps:
Here they are (in no particular order):
1) Drive under the speed limit as often as possible. It’s been socially acceptable since the invention of the microwave to always go at least the posted speed limit, but that’s not a trend you’ll be following anytime soon. No. You’re the safest driver in the universe. If the sign says 35, you’ll be doing 30.
You especially want to adhere to this ideology if you’re on a one-lane road, and the cars behind you are unable to get around you. That’s their problem. It’s very important to remember this one fact if you’re going to go any further: The world revolves around you!
2) If you ever actually get to a point where the now enraged driver behind you is able to pass, don’t be cool about it. Don’t let them go ahead of you. It’s personal. You need to teach them a lesson and be the pace car for planet Earth. Wait until they get next to you, then, just like Russell Crowe in Gladiator…unleash Hell! Floor it. That’s right. Put that accelerator all the way to the floor. They’ll have no other option than to quickly dart back behind you, which is where you want them to be. You’re number one. The top dog. Don’t let them forget that.
Nothing will remind them of this more than when you ease that speed right back down to 30 as soon as their maneuver to play through has subsided.
3) You know that rod coming out of the left side of your steering wheel? It’s a lane change or turn indicator. When you move it up or down, it makes your rear blinkers activate, signaling to the people behind you what your future plans are. It helps them plan accordingly and, often, avoid accidents.
Again, not your problem. You turn when you want to. If that means they end up in a ditch or just straight up grinding down their break pads, that’s their deal, not yours.
If you really want to go above and beyond the call of duty, make sure you glare at them incredulously when they honk or drive by looking at you angrily. Signaling is for suckers, and you, my friend, are no sucker.
4) When you get to an intersection with a 4-way stop sign, just sit there and act super confused. It’s too hard to discern which car got to the intersection in which order, so just kinda…feel it out.
When you do this, you are certain to receive the same kind of responses that came your way after Step 3. Don’t let that thwart the gameplan. You gotta dance with who brought you. Stick with what works. We’re committing to this, full throttle. Don’t back out now.
5) Tailgate people, even when you are able to pass them. It doesn’t matter if there’s an available lane. Your job is to make life as miserable as possible for everyone else on the road.
Follow your heart, even if it leads you into the back seat of someone else’s Buick.
Summary: At the end of the day, you just gotta do you. If that means causing traffic jams, so be it. If that means being the driving force behind a 13-car pile-up, c’est la vie. It’s your tree, we’re all just living in it. We’re lucky you don’t charge us rent.
No comments:
Post a Comment