If someone asks us: "Which do you wanna hear first -- the good news or the bad news?", we almost all, universally, will choose to hear the bad news first.
Why?
Is it because we're in a hurry to hear unfortunate reports? Is it because the negative is a more attractive option?
Of course not.
The reason we choose to hear the bad news first is simple:
We want to get it over with.
That way, we can take the sucker punch to the gut, be done with it, and have time to enjoy the positive. It's human nature, and most of us are that way.
And we're not just that way with news. We're like that with everything. We want to race through the rough patches as fast as possible. We're so focused on following the light at the end of the tunnel, but is it possible that we're missing the beauty of the tunnel itself?
The other night, Kim and I laid in bed and had one of those talks. If you're a married dude, you know exactly what kind of talks I mean.
I'm talking about the "We're seriously talking about this right now?" kind of talks.
Generally speaking, men just want to wind down when we get into bed. We want to finish off our game of "Words With Friends," check our email one last time, then doze off into our happy place.
Women, however, seem to choose that time as the opportunity to bring up all of their deepest, darkest fears, doubts and the worst case scenarios that have been running through their minds all day (and often times, even longer than that).
We're just wired differently. You're from Venus. I'm from Mars. I get it.
And so, it's in my DNA to want to be dismissive when those moments come. When we were first married, I think I handled those situations poorly. I'm trying to be better at that, because I realize that it means a lot to my wife that I listen to her when she brings those things to me, and that I really allow her to pour her heart out, while I engage her and try and help her battle through whatever is eating at her.
I listened. She talked. Then we engaged, and the primary focal point had to do with just how hard a year this has been for us.
In one year, we bought a house, moved to a different area, got pregnant with our first child, started going to a new church, lost our jobs, started a new business and struggled with that mightily, had a baby, struggled even more mightily with how to be parents, experienced tremendous financial loss, and we suffered much pain.
But we survived.
During our conversation, Kim brought up her frustration over how things have gone, specifically in regard to our house. It wasn't the fantasy every girl has. We were supposed to move in and paint all the rooms, get the furniture we wanted, decorate to our hearts content and really put our fingerprint all over the place.
I get it. Not in the same way. Guys don't really care about painting the walls. But we do want to landscape the yard, fix up the finished basement, things like that, etc.
Those things haven't happened, because those things cost money -- a luxury we've had very little of within the past 12 months.
My encouragement to Kim (and to myself too, if I'm being honest), was that it's important for us not to hurry past the pain. When we do that, we run the risk of missing the lesson God would have us learn.
It's been a very humbling year, but God has taught me invaluable lessons I wouldn't trade for the world. I've learned how to ask people for help when I need it. I've learned the extreme importance of vulnerability and honesty in our marriage. I've learned just how important my family is to me, and that material things, even my house, are just things that can be replaced.
So, that's my encouragement to you on this Monday. Ask for the good news first. Take your time in the tunnel. Learn the lesson that God has for you in the rough patch.
Pain is important.
